


Falling Slowly

by trash_writings



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:09:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27561289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trash_writings/pseuds/trash_writings
Summary: This is a follow up to @hisokapegger on here, or @bokutosmommy on Tumblr story "Sex money feelings die"! Go read it first!
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	1. Falling Slowly

_ I don't know you _

_ But I want you _

_ All the more for that _

He was gone before you woke up, again. Your arm reached out searching for his soft skin and warmth, but of course, you were left yearning for him. Why did he always get up so early and leave you alone in bed? It’s not that you expected him to await you waking every morning, but days when you knew he didn’t have to run off to do some type of training or even see a friend you wanted that lazy Saturday comfort. 

The first morning you spent with him his eyes burned through you as his laughter filled his room. His eyes never left your face, and you felt like the only girl in the world for the entire morning and days following the new relationship as it blossomed. The feeling in your stomach scared you those days, but you craved it more and more. Each time you remember that first day you want to fall back asleep and relive it in your dreams. Day’s like that have been rare the last few weeks. 

Getting up you stretch before walking into the bathroom, noticing the shower is still wet. Bokuto must have used it recently. You finish your morning routine then head into the living room to see if he decided to stick around today. 

_ Words fall through me _

_ And always fool me _

_ And I can't react _

“Hey! You’re up early,” you smile seeing your boyfriend sitting on your couch on his phone. He peaks up and gives you a half-hearted smile. He looks tired, and somewhat upset, but maybe he’s just tired still. 

“Mornin’,” he mumbles, locking his phone and setting it down on the cushion next to him. Sitting beside him you lean into his body, hoping for some affection. His arm drapes around your shoulder, but nothing more. 

The Bokuto you met a month ago isn’t here. You can feel him fading away and your stomach turns, wondering what you’ve done wrong. Why has he been so cold the last two weeks? What did you do?

_ And games that never amount _

_ To more than they're meant _

_ Will play themselves out _

“I’m going for a run,” Bokuto tells you as he pulls his shoes onto his feet. 

“Want me to come with you?” When he first took you home and started dating you he used to always ask, and you occasionally went. However, he hasn’t asked in a while. 

“No, I need time to myself I think.” He’s so quiet, but you hear every heart-wrenching word. He’s gone out the door before you can even process the tears that threaten to spill. 

You go back to the couch, wanting to hold yourself together somewhere comfortable. It’s not you, you tell yourself. He has something else going on. Or someone else to see… 

No… he wouldn’t right? He made sure you knew you were exclusive so early on you can’t imagine he would ever cheat. 

You notice he left his phone. 

_ Take this sinking boat and point it home _

_ We've still got time _

_ Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice _

_ You'll make it now _

The phone taunts you. You’ve never done this before, you would be so upset if someone invaded your privacy. Your fingers pick at the couch cushion, pulling tiny pieces of lint off to distract you. However, your fingers are soon unlocking Bo’s phone. 

No, this won’t be the choice you make. You lock it back and leave the room. You can ignore this feeling for a while longer.

He goes home after his run, not even noticing your bloodshot eyes and tired soul. 

_ Falling slowly, eyes that know me _

_ And I can't go back _

_ And moods that take me and erase me _

_ And I'm painted black _

The sound of the door shutting wakes you. You look at the clock next to your bed and see it’s well past midnight. You sit up just as he makes his way through your door. It’s been about a week since he last came over, saying he’s been busy with volleyball. You doubted it, but here he is now. Is he okay? 

“Hey, are you-” his lips cut you off before you can finish. 

“I,” he breaks the kiss momentarily, “need you. Please, just give me this.” You can smell and taste the alcohol on him. Tequila, it reminds you of that first night you met him. He was so drunk you didn’t know if he would remember you the next day, but he did. 

His hands pull your underwear off quickly as his body melds into yours. He’s inside you quicker than you expected, and rough. Desperately clinging to your body as if he’s going to lose you. 

Finally, you think. Finally, he’s back to you. He’s finally holding you against him, moaning in your ear, and loving you the way he used to. It feels so nice you let the act slowly bring you back into your feelings for him, once more. 

Until he cums, and it's not your name that passes his drunken lips. You stare up past his face above you as he begins to apologize. The darkness of your room comforts you as you feel your heart sink into your stomach.

_ Well, you have suffered enough _

_ And warred with yourself _

_ It's time that you won _

“Get out,” you push his body off of yours disgusted with yourself. You can’t even blame him at this point, it had to be you. You let him in, again and again. Even as you felt him falling away from you, you wanted to desperately cling to him even now. 

It’s too late now. 

_ Take this sinking boat and point it home _

_ We've still got time _

_ Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice _

_ You've made it now _

“-----, please! I am so sorry,” tears are falling down his face. 

“Who is she?!” You drape the blanket around your exposed body. You swear you’re not seeing the scene play out from your perspective. 

“I-” 

“Who is she?” 

“An ex,” he mutters looking down as his hands cover his face. He sobs into them. You desperately want to reach out and hold him, but you can’t. Your body won;t move as you think about the girl he wishes you were. 

How can you compete with the ghost of someone in his mind? 

_ Falling slowly, sing your melody _

_ I'll sing along _

_ Take it all _

_ I played the cards too late _

_ Now you're gone _

“I’m sorry,” as he sniffles you shut the door on him. You knew he was sorry, but for some unknown reason.... You were the one who was sorry for not being who he needed. You never would be. 


	2. Golden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had several requests on my tumblr (hq-trashies) for a sequel. So here it is! 
> 
> Word count: 1.9k 
> 
> Genre: Fluff and a lot of angst

_Hey!_  
-

One hundred and thirty-three days have passed since you kicked Bokuto out of your apartment late after hearing him moaning _her_ name. Taking that number and multiplying it by about five would give you the amount of times Bokuto has texted you, called you, oh and he even sent a poorly written email once too. That’s what made you reply. The broken little email, that was so clearly a desperate attempt to reach you.

“Please, just get lunch with me so I can explain. Please, —-…. I need you.”

You doubted he needed you, but that tugged at your heart. Part of you even wondered if a friend had suggested him emailing you instead of texting you a bunch like before. It was unlike him. Even the phrasing was off. He was clearly desperate. You called him and the excitement in his voice was too pure to be faked. You missed his warm tone, the joy in his words, and him. You just missed him.

“Hey!” his voice grabs your attention and you look up at him. He has dark circles under his eyes, and you wonder if he’s brushed his hair. It’s not even styled like normal. Instead sort-of flat against his head.

“Hey,” you say back without an indication of any emotion. You’re not sure what he wants. You’re not sure what you want. But, here you are at the foodcourt with him as he stands awkwardly over your table. “How have you been?”

Bokuto tried to play it off like he was okay. His laugh wasn’t the same. You knew it, but you continued to let him talk all the same.

_Golden, golden, golden  
As I open my eyes  
Hold it, focus, hoping  
Take me back to the light  
-_

“I miss you, like a lot.”

You bite your bottom lip hard, keeping back the swarm of emotions hitting you at once, looking down at your knees and your fingers gripping them to steady yourself in your seat. Your chest tightens, your eyes hurt, you want to run to the bathroom to throw up. However, you can’t move. It’s like the three little words have torn you apart cell by cell, stunning you. The tears hit your stiffened thighs before you realize you’re crying.

You finally move, your hand wiping the tears gathering under your eyes. “I have too,” you tell him, finally looking up.

His eyes are glassy now, too. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know,” you whisper softly. He reaches out, one hand covering your knee warming your already burning skin. “It’s okay,” you wipe the remainder of the tears with the sleeve of your shirt then take a deep breath. “I’m just sorry I couldn’t be what you needed.”

Something breaks inside of you as you finally verbalize the thoughts you’ve had for the last four and a half months. You became obsessed with a girl you never even laid eyes on beyond a few Instagram pictures you’d dug up in some tagged photos with Bokuto. Everything from the way he looked at her in her photos to how he clearly kept up with her profile in the likes made your stomach turn.

Anger wasn’t the first feeling. Instead, it was the ugly jealous feeling that made you want to throw up and throw a fit. Too many nights spent with a bottle of cheap vodka and crying to your friends led to a feeling of resentment for this pretty ex-lover of Bokuto’s. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t quite place what exactly it was that made her so much better than you. Despite your friend’s affirmations that there was nothing about her that was inherently better, you couldn’t stop the intrusive thought.

“—, why would you say that?” Bokuto asks, interrupting your jumbled thoughts.

“I-” you really don’t have a reason that isn’t self depicting and pathetic. “I know you want —-. She’s everything I’m not for you. I feel stupid for even being mad at you, I would have-”

“Stop!” His voice is no longer happy, sad, or even calm. He’s irate, and you can tell from just his voice. He’s holding it back, his words sound short and clipped. Not to mention the brash tone he has now. “Don’t say that about yourself.” You look at his hands now, resting on his thighs balled up in fists. He’s losing his composure.

“Bo-” you’re interrupted by his lips pressing against yours. They move desperately, trying to get you to kiss back. You do, despite knowing it’s probably a mistake. He would just leave you again after this, and you’d be left with even more regrets.

_I know you were way too bright for me  
I’m hopeless, broken  
So you wait for me in the sky  
Browns my skin just right  
-_

“Can I see you again?” His smile is back now after the kiss. You want to do so much more. His body that close to yours, even for just a few seconds, has reawakened the carnal desires you had for him since the night you met him. It’s a dangerous game you’re playing now.

“I’m not someone you can use to get over —-. I don’t trust you now, you have to understand that.” You sigh standing up and shoving your phone in your pocket. “That kiss was a mistake. You shouldn’t have done it.”

“—–, please” He grabs your hand before you can walk away. “I’m not using you. I haven’t thought about her at all since you kicked me out and started ignoring me. You’re who I want. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“I-” you want to take him into your arms and run your fingers through his soft hair, but you know you shouldn’t. “I’m scared of how I feel about you. I can’t go through this again.”

_You’re so golden  
You’re so golden  
I’m out of my head  
And I know that you’re scared  
Because hearts get broken  
-_

“I’m scared too.” He tells you as you sit back down with him. His hands are a bit sweaty, but you ignore it knowing he must be nervous. He looks like a broken puppy begging you to stay. “We can figure this out together.”

His proposition is enticing, you can’t deny that. The gut feeling you have telling you to jump into his lap and let him make you feel better is nearly impossible to ignore. Your head fights with your feelings making you even more confused than you were when you agreed to see him today. You want him so badly, though. You know you’ll regret passing him by if you don’t say yes now.

However, it’s not going to be like before. A fresh start is what you need.

“Hi, Bokuto Koutarou. I’m —- —–, nice to meet you.” You stand up and compose yourself once again. “I’m free tomorrow night. I believe you still have my number and know where I live. You can pick me up around eight.”

“What?”

“See you later!” You about-face quickly before he can question you more. You know he’s confused. He isn’t going to be able to catch on to what you’re saying so easily. But he has friends, they can help him figure this out if they helped him learn to work email.

_I don’t wanna be alone  
I don’t wanna be alone  
When it ends  
Don’t wanna let you know  
-_

It’s nearly comical when you hear the doorbell right as the clock hits eight. You open it and see he’s really dressed for the date. He looks irresistible in his clothes: black trousers, a white shirt, and an olive green jacket. You try not to stare too long, but he’s far too quiet and it allows you time to gaze.

“I got you these,” he says finally speaking and hands you a bundle of sunflowers from behind his back. You don’t recall mentioning you liked these particular flowers to him in the short time you knew him before. How did he know they were your favorite?

“Thank you,” you smile, taking them from his hands. “Come on in,” you say, stepping to the side. “I want to get these in a vase before we go out.”

“No problem.” He seems awkward now, definitely not like he was yesterday. Or before you stopped talking. These different layers to Bokuto are interesting, and not expected. You wonder if maybe you’d been selfishly only seeing what you wanted of him and were just choosing to ignore the signs that he was struggling.

“Where are we going tonight?” Filling a vase with water you peek over your shoulder to see he’s watching you while sitting on the arm of your couch. “Should I change?”

“No!” He stands up quickly as you set the vase on the counter next to the sink. “You look perfect,” he bites his bottom lip and blushes slightly before looking away. “I was thinking we could go get some pizza and maybe check out an arcade. But if you don’t like thatwecouldtoattallygodosomething-”

“Hey! Calm down, that sounds like a lot of fun!” You interrupt his quickening speech, worried he may begin to combust if he shoved any more words into that breath.

“Really?!” He smiles taking your hands in his. You nod and his smile somehow brightens. “Let’s go then!”

_I don’t wanna be alone  
-_

As you chew on your third slice of pizza while listening to Bo talk about one of his friends who returned from Brazil recently you realize that this is your first date with him. Before you’d just went from meeting to fucking to sleepovers. Never going out or doing anything. Always just seeing each other within the confines of your apartment.

It’s nice. His laughter is so bright. His personality is so warm you wonder if it would burn your skin. Everything about him is everything you’ve ever wanted. You missed Bokuto before, but what you missed was just a shell of who you’re seeing now. Maybe the separation was good for you both? Perhaps he really did work on himself, and it seems he did it for you and not that woman whom you have held baseless resentment for.

“Ready to go to the arcade?” He asks wiping his face with a napkin and you nod dropping the crust of your pizza on the plate and following him out of the small shop.

You learn that his competitiveness is nothing to be trifled with, you realize about thirty seconds into a game of air hickey with him. A few smashed fingers, broken pucks, and lots of yelling end up getting you both kicked out of the arcade and asked to not return.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get us kicked out!” He laughs sitting on a street bench. “We can go try and find another one if you want?”

“It’s pretty late, maybe we can do this again soon? I’d really like to see you again, Kou.” You sit beside him and rest your head on his shoulder. He wraps an arm around you and rests his head on yours.

“I’m yours any night of the week, babe.”

_But I, I can feel it take a hold (I can feel it take a hold)  
I can feel you take control (I can feel you take control)  
Of who I am and all I’ve ever known  
Loving you’s the antidote  
-_

You told yourself you wouldn’t let him inside tonight, that things would go slow this time. However, something about his eyes when you were about to kiss him goodnight changed your mind.

_Golden  
_

_-_


End file.
